The summer break brings out latent problems among couples who have tried to hide throughout the year and triggers separations in September. But before we rush, can we do something to save our relationship?
Summer holidays are one of the indisputably most anticipated times of the year. We dream of them with the aim of breaking with routine and obligations, to have more time for ourselves and for our loved ones and to travel far or dedicate time to what we are so passionate about or interested in. And yet, many times our expectations are not fulfilled : the trips are not as ideal as we thought, we did not manage to disconnect from what we are concerned about , unpleasant unforeseen events that force us to change plans or come to light problems that we had gone burying during the year. One of them, and crucial for our emotional health, is the relationship with our partner .
Statistics give us proof of this: September is the month of the year with the highest rates of divorces and separations in our country. Spending time together seems to highlight what we have been avoiding throughout the year.
When the shield of occupations and routine falls and we spend most of the day with our family and our children, incompatibilities arise, the unsolved problems that we have accumulated or, simply, the disenchantment towards our partner or towards our style of lifetime. So the harsh reality ends up prevailing as a consequence of emotional mismanagement and practicing the bad habit of not being honest with ourselves , avoiding the emotions that we dislike and not wanting to face the latent problems that we know they are, but that we do not want see or with which we do not want to deal frontally.
Like the arrival of a child , which can strongly strengthen the bond between a couple, vacations can also break or break it. But it is in our hands to try to avoid it. Although we have had a terrible holiday with our partner, should we separate on the way back? Experts recommend not to rush and give us some leeway to accommodate the situation , analyze it, make the changes that need to be made, and wait patiently and calmly. It is likely that during this time together we have magnified some problems that, with good emotional management governed by sincerity, assertiveness, respect and empathy, they can still be solved and we can thus avoid the painful and traumatic process of a breakup. Of course, the only solution is to take the bull by the horns, confront problems without reservation, seek solutions and jointly get down to work to end toxic dynamics .
Once the problems are detected, the two members of the couple should commit to taking the necessary steps to resolve them, comply with the agreements that have been reached and, above all, strive to maintain these new dynamics throughout the year in order to to avoid reproducing the same errors and exploding again on the next vacation.
What can we do to try to solve the post-vacation couple crisis?
With true sincerity, respect, maturity, empathy and understanding. Make the real effort to listen and let ourselves and our partner feel, as well as being able to communicate it assertively, without reproach, with a constructive attitude and setting limits where necessary or acknowledging mistakes when necessary.
Do not delegate our deficiencies to the couple or make them responsible for our dissatisfactions
We all have virtues and we all have shortcomings, and yet we often ask our partner to “solve” for us what we are not able to solve by ourselves or blame for certain personal problems or dissatisfactions . Complementing ourselves with a partner is healthy and natural as long as we assume our own responsibilities and accept that happiness or satisfaction with our life must be provided by ourselves. The couple is precisely to share and enjoy that happiness, not to generate it .
Caring for sex and desire
One of the key factors that is often the cause of the end point for many couples is lack of desire or sexual dissatisfaction , whether temporary or permanent. Infidelities happen, in most cases, as a consequence of loss of sexual appetite or dissatisfaction with our partner.
No matter how busy we are, it is worth giving sex the importance it deserves, trying to escape from routine or considering new scenarios that can revitalize this crucial aspect of life as a couple. Regaining the sense of the game, trying new things or even considering, by mutual agreement, opening the couple in one way or another could help us solve the crisis.
Respect time and personal space
Accepting that we are two different people, with different needs, different friends and different hobbies is essential to maintain the couple’s good health.
Healthy couples enjoy time and space to be alone , with friends or doing what they enjoy without the presence of their spouse, without jealousy and without reproaches, as long as the situation is not unbalanced.